Why the Tension?

There is a tension that exists among groups within communities. It's the social anxiety everyone self-diagnoses, but no one digs deeper than the shallow layer of calling it "awkward" to find out what is actually happening. And it isn't just one thing. There are many things. Many different scenarios that create that tension.

At a very basic level, trust was broken. Expectations were not met. Judgments were placed, and defenses went up.

Before cancel culture became the phrase everyone reached for, there was cut-off culture. It was nothing to cut someone off. There is actually a very catchy song about it by K Camp, released in 2013 but a few versions came out of that. Most notably, the one featuring 2 Chainz in 2014. For those of us who were in college at the time, it was a time. Revisiting the music from that era will be a piece of its own.

There is a sense of empowerment in choosing "not to be affected" by someone else, in taking the high road, in leaving someone where they are.

But what about where you are in all of that? You're triggered. Frustrated. You feel betrayed. Maybe you have doubts about yourself. Are you gullible? A pushover? Were you in the wrong? What were you wrong about? Where did you fall short?

You see, more happens than we realize when relationships end. Most importantly, when they end with no closure. The cold cut-off, although sometimes necessary, does not feel great. Even more importantly, drawing boundaries in a world that grows smaller as you live longer also makes for uncomfortable moments. Moments where you must speak on the very thing you avoid: simply acknowledging that someone makes you uncomfortable.

Most people share their grievances with close friends, looking for solace in spaces that feel a little safer. You are convinced that people who share openly with you are people you can share with. Is it really a choice? Maybe it's a desperate attempt to find belonging. Bonding over shared trauma. But you've been there before. You actually prefer to talk things out. Previous attempts with different people, over the course of time, have made you avoid those kinds of resolutions altogether. You may even doubt that kind of resolution is achievable.

And what about the people you don't know, but when you're in the same space, you feel a negative energy? You catch looks, and you question whether it's you or whether something else is happening. Then you remind yourself that the responsibility of vocalizing an issue you are unaware of is not yours. Is there even an issue?

If you've made it this far, chances are you relate to the writing, or you're enjoying the vulnerability for one reason or another.

Well, here I am being vulnerable again. Reminding myself that nothing is built with one piece. It takes pieces, and it's in how we connect one to the other... one experience to the next... that the foundation is made firm. And we rise.